Peek inside of my Jujube BFF

I've had a lot of questions and comments on my diaper bag. I guess Petunia Picklebottom is pretty popular in Utah, so it's not as common to see a jujube? I'm not sure, but I thought I'd just blog about my bag instead of answering multiple questions.

This is my diaper bag fully packed for one baby. We're having another baby in July, but it'll basically be the same things give or take a couple items. 

The front pocket, or the "mommy pocket", has things for me. Usually it's: wallet, keys, hair ties, hand sanitizer, chapstick, pen & glasses. I usually have a ton of room left over. 

This is the main inside pocket packed. 

It always amazes me how much it holds. I have: 

Day planner, 2 Thatcher books, a mama book, bib, burp cloth (to wipe runny noses), tiny book of mormon, 4 or 5 cars, a spatula (aka best toy ever), Han solo riding a tauntaun, mummy toy, usually 4 or 5 snacks (which generally I keep packed in a breastmilk storage zipper bag inside the bag but it's in the wash), changing pad (has its own pocket on the back of the bag), 2 cloth diapers, wetbag (bag you put dirty diapers in while out and about), 2 or 3 cloth wipes, homemade bum cream and tissues. 

Usually a sippy cup is in the side pocket. I still have lots of room for more diapers, cloth breastpads etc when we have two. 

I seriously love this bag! It's so roomy, never feels over packed or too heavy and I love that it can be a backpack or messenger bag. Basically you all need a jujube! 

:) 

Why Cloth ROCKS!

It really surprises me that we didn't cloth diaper Thatcher from the beginning. Before I had him I had always talked about cloth diapering and knew it was something I liked, but when you're at the hospital and they give you free diapers and you have people graciously buying you box after box of diapers (seriously, you all rock, we had free diapers for almost a year!) it is just kind of assumed you'll use disposables. 

We decided (okay, I decided) to start cloth diapering when Thatcher was younger, probably around 9 months or so. But then his perianal abcess came around and we didn't know how long he'd have it, how to deal with it and didn't want to change any of our routine in case it came back. Plus, there was the whole fact that I'd decided on pocket style diapers and they have a bigger start up cost, and you know the whole poop issue. 

Yes, the poop issue. The first thing most people think about when you tell them you cloth diaper. What about the poop? It scared me, and forking out a few hundred in diapers and supplies scared my hubby, even if we were saving money in the long run. 

So we waited. 

Until last week. I made an AMAZING discovery. The all-in-two system of cloth diapering. I could seriously hear a chorus of hallelujah angels in my mind as i gobbled up every bit of information I could online about these blessed diapers. And so, at three in the morning, I decided we were going to make the switch. 

Now, we're three days (and one explosive poop- ew!) in and I AM IN SO MUCH LOVE. It may be premature, but I thought I'd write a little about why I'm completely obsessed with cloth diapers now-a-days. 

The Cost

Obviously, cloth diapers are cheaper. Every month we had to buy a 20-30 dollar box of diapers on top of 10-15 dollar wipes, I cringed. Seriously shuddered. We hated the fact that we were spending hard earned money on something that was literally a portable toilet for our baby. Something we threw away to fill the landfill (more on that later). 

Like I said, we were very turned onto cloth diapering by the all in two system. Upon further research however I discovered an even cheaper option: prefolds and covers. This is the only style we've used, but it is so unbelievably cost-effective! Seriously, we bought 7 covers and 22 prefolds and we're set to cloth diaper full time doing laundry only every three or four days for SIXTY DOLLARS. That's it. We ordered a few more supplies (wetbags and detergent) that we could have easily done without and we're set. No more buying diapers every month, no more throwing money down the diaper genie. 

The Environment

I've always been cautious of my impact on the earth. I want to leave a beautiful place for my kids and their families, so it's important to me to make changes where I can to reduce my imprint. In the US on average per year 27.4 BILLION diapers are used and tossed into landfills. Our country spends 7 BILLION dollars a year on diapers that are thrown away and it takes 200 to 500 years for a diaper to decompose. That's a huge impact, and when I think about the vast number of diapers we used in the first 15 months on Thatcher it makes me ill. Our cloth diapers however can be washed, re-washed, sunned and stripped for years and last us a few kids since they're made to fit from 8-35 pounds. That's a lot of waste eliminated! 

The "Squee" Factor

Hello? Have you SEEN an adorable fluffy bum? The size alone is adorable but the prints they make now days are TO DIE FOR. Harry Potter, Star Wars, Cat in The Hat, Dragon Scales, the list goes on and on and on. Seriously, if you can imagine it there's probably a diaper cover for it. And I LOVE it. I have a list seriously 30 plus long of diapers I'm dying to buy. They're dang cute, and that's a factor for me! 

Comfort/Guilt

I never noticed how disposables feel like paper. And while maybe it isn't uncomfortable if that's all a bum knows, wouldn't it feel much better to be covered in natural materials like hemp, cotton or bamboo? I feel way better putting soft yummy smelling cotton against Thatcher's little bum than I did the disposable diapers. It just feels right! 

These are just a few things that I've noticed in the last few days we've done cloth. There's a big misconception out there that they're more difficult to use and harder to get clean, but that just isn't so. I spend maybe 5 seconds more per diaper change and washing is a breeze thanks to websites like fluff love university and local cloth groups. We've had numerous changes, poops (even explosions which are rare) and have done our first load of diaper laundry and I think it's very very safe to say that while it may not work for everyone, it's definitely the life for us! 

Now to wait "patiently" by the mailbox for our first fluff mail to arrive so I can squee over our cute new covers! :-)

Hi, I'm Taylor and I Breastfeed.

Whew, I'm glad we got that out there. Lately it feels like you almost have to whisper that fact as to not offend anyone or have unwanted advice thrown at you, and that's not fair. 

Thatcher and I had the opportunity to attend the Big Latch On last year. It was such a fun thing to be a part of a world record while raising awareness for breastfeeding and normalizing it in public. I even met some really cool mama's that share a lot of my own interests.

Next month there will be another Latch On and I'm really excited to go with another little nursling. But it also makes me remember the pain it caused last year as well. 

 At first, I was overwhelmed by the amount of negative or non-understanding comments about a picture that showed less than a bikini. Just as a disclaimer I will NEVER EVER get angry or offended that you believe differently than me.. on anything. Seriously, we may not agree but I think that some things work for some people that may not work for others; to each their own. So I hope that my discussions with breastfeeding never get taken that way. I will however, try to educate because it's an issue that is close to my heart and so important to many mothers and dads out there. When the negativity came raining down I cried a lot, which isn't like me. I have pretty tough skin. It wasn't because I was hurt or because people were disagreeing or criticizing my choice to feed my baby in public. It was because it was all at once. It was like standing in a room and being shouted at by ten different people and not being able to say anything to my defense. It was a little paralyzing. 

But just when the negative comments and messages (and not all were negative, some were simply curious) were becoming too much I received almost as many positive ones. I received messages from a handful of friends and acquaintances who are currently expecting and a handful from some who have babies. The former expressed their gratitude to my desire to educate people on breastfeeding and my desire to make it normal in any setting. Some said that they didn't plan on breastfeeding because they knew it could be isolating and made harder by others because they knew they would be judged or lectured, but because of my passion and love for it they wanted to try. The latter expressed thanks that I was brave enough to do something that they felt they couldn't do without dealing with negative consequences. 

And then I remembered that's why I do it. That's what this is all about. If I can help one woman to overcome that fear of being criticized to feed her precious baby however she wants (whether it be in public, private, a car, a store, covered or uncovered) my goal is accomplished. We need to remember that we are a sisterhood of mothers and that our choices can impact others more than we realize. 

So to clear things up, this is why I choose to breastfeed in public without a blanket. 

Because Thatcher hates having a blanket over his face. He was a summer newborn and got in the habit of pushing away a blanket early on because it was HOT! And I don't blame him! 

Because breastfeeding isn't sexual and it's not necessarily intimate for everyone. While you can feel strong emotions of love and adoration while breastfeeding when it comes down to it milk is milk and babies need to eat. I will not be held responsible for other's sexualization of something.  

Because I used to breastfeed in private and it was the most isolating feeling I've known. Sitting for an hour at a time (and even now for minutes) while others are out enjoying company of each other is a bummer. 

Because I've met so many women who give up because of lack of resources or information and don't trust their bodies when in reality they were doing everything perfectly. 

Because I've met so many women who have given up breastfeeding purely because someone disapproved or shamed them in public. 

Because feeding my baby should be so normal that others don't even notice or bat an eye-- it shouldn't cause an uproar. Businesses should accept a mother nourishing her child in any way so long as she's doing it safely. 

Because for us, it's right. 

I believe that every parent and child are different. And that's why mother's should be able to feed however they please and not be shamed. Breastfeeding is hands down my favorite thing about being a mother. It's the greatest ability that God has blessed me with, and I will fight for the right of those who choose to do it publicly however they feel comfortable. 

Mothers already have a tough job with long hours and little time to socialize with others. Imagine how amazing it could be if we stood with each other instead of tearing each other down. 

"How's He Sleeping?": Why You Should Stop Asking That Question & Our Gentle Sleep Experience

There are a lot of "stereotypical" questions that get asked when you become a parent. It's like there's an unwritten list of things to ask new parents upon seeing their little one, and at the top of that list is usually "How do they sleep?"

This is frustrating for a few reasons. Firstly, a lot of new parents don't expect their newborns or young babes to sleep through the night or to sleep well at all for that matter. So when we begin bombarding them with questions about sleep habits, routines and the overall soundness of their sleep it can really make them doubt something that shouldn't be doubted in the first place. Secondly, these questions are frustrating to new parents because they're usually followed by advice or comparisons to babies that sleep "better" without taking into consideration that A. All babies are different and B. Situations in the home are different. 

When Thatcher was first born I woke him up every two hours on the dot to eat. This was very early in our breastfeeding relationship and I wasn't feeding on demand during the nights yet. I wanted my milk established, even if it meant giving up a few night time hours. After we stopped doing this a month or two in he would give us good five hour stretches--it was great! Then we hit four months. He was cluster feeding more and more and ended up in bed with us a lot of nights. We were exhausted. From that point out he woke every couple of hours to feed barring a couple nights here and there where he'd give us a good stretch. It made me very self conscious when people would ask how he was sleeping because I didn't feel like we had a problem. Weren't babies supposed to feed a lot at night? Wasn't this pretty normal? 

It's pretty obvious that we are anti CIO (Cry It Out method of sleep training made popular by Dr. Ferber). To me personally there is nothing that a newborn or baby under 12 months really learns from being left alone at night to "self soothe" and work things out on his own. I've always firmly believed that I was a parent 24 hours a day and not just during the daytime. I also believe that all babies and kids are different (they're people, I think we sometimes forget this!) and that they hit milestones at different times. Sleep is a milestone. It's something that baby will do when they're developmentally ready. Just like I wouldn't force Thatcher to crawl or try solids before he was ready I wouldn't expect him to sleep through the night any sooner than he was ready either. So, we continued our routine of nursing to sleep, night waking to nurse often and having no tears nights. (Again, this is us personally..no judgement if you've done CIO, every baby is different!)

When Thatcher turned one I began to notice that he was telling me he was ready for better sleep and a different routine. Jeff and I were exhausted too, and wanted our bed back for more than a few hours a night. Thatcher was becoming increasingly grumpy during the days and at night when we'd usually nurse until he drifted off to sleep he began to eat then push me away before falling asleep in my arms. What I took away from these cues is that he wasn't getting enough rest at night and that he didn't really care to be nursed to sleep anymore. It seemed like when he woke at night he really wanted to get back to sleep on his own, but grudgingly took the breast for a few minutes when he couldn't do it on his own. 

We had to do something. I felt awful that I let him go so long getting poor sleep and felt determined to do a better job for him. 

Like any 21st century mom I scoured the internet for ways to help him get to sleep and stay asleep better. 

I was overwhelmed with the amount of CIO posts and Ferber posts that I couldn't even finish my search. I knew there had to be a gentler way to approach sleep that still helped him transition. I also started to realize that there are two types of babies; those who benefit from crying for a minute or two and fall asleep, and those who got more worked up from crying and became more awake. Guess which one Thatcher was! 

This was our plan: 

1. No night nursing unless he's gone 5-6 hours before waking up. At 12 months I noticed that the majority of the time he nursed at night it wasn't hunger nursing. He could comfortably go this amount of time without nursing, especially since he nursed on demand all day. I hoped this would help him learn that he needed to sleep a little longer before getting milk. 
2. Alternate comforting. I realized to my horror that I had never ever given Thatcher the chance to be soothed in ANY other way besides nursing. Of course that's what he needed at night. He'd never gotten used to being rocked to sleep, or sang to sleep, or anything besides nursing. It's just so much faster and easier! Until it becomes a habit five times a night. I decided to begin by nursing him until he was drowsy. As soon as his eyes would shut I would unlatch him and rock him in my arms. After a moment or two of rocking (usually however long it took for him to stop crying because he'd been unlatched) I would lay him in his crib. This is when the HUGE freakout would start. He'd never been laid down awake, ever. I would lean over and shush him while i put a hand on his back or belly or rubbed his leg. If he really kept freaking out then I would pick him up and start over at the rocking.

The first few nights were rough. Really, really rough. But after a week, he didn't fight it anymore. I also introduced a flat pillow, which I think helped a lot. Soon, he would nurse until he was drowsy and I didn't have to rock him in my arms. I could just lay him in bed, shush him for a minute or two and he'd curl up to his pillow and drift off. For the first time in his life I saw him stare at the ceiling and slowly close his eyes to sleep, and it was precious!
In two week's time we went from taking an hour and a half to two hours to put him to sleep then sneaking tip-toed out of the room to twenty minutes on a bad night. We went from waking every couple of hours to waking every 5-8. And even when he did have a bad night and wake before our 5-6 hour timeframe I'd pick him up, put him back in bed and shush him back to sleep in a matter of minutes instead of spending an hour a couple times a night in his room! It was heaven!

It's now been almost 3 months of doing this method. He has his rough nights when he's sick, teething or travelling but he's for the most part consistently giving us six to eight hour stretches of sleep with only one wake up at the most. Lately he's been teething which means sleeping six hours, waking up to nurse then sleeping another two and sometimes needing to nurse again in the morning, but we're all so much happier with the change that's taken place. We even had him night weaned before we left on a vacation that didn't allow us to keep that routine, but now we know it's possible.

I think my biggest advice to those of you seeking a better night's sleep is this; don't force it. Follow your child's cues and they will let you know when they're ready to hit that milestone, but it will happen. Keep heart and remember these moments are fleeting, before we know it they won't need us at night and we'll miss them.

Good luck and happy sleeping!

<3 

A Look at Our Week

For some reason I've gotten a lot of messages lately asking about our daily routine. I don't feel like we're doing anything wonderful or special by any means, but we've finally found something that seems to be working well, so I thought I'd share. 

Generally Thatcher wakes up anywhere from 6:30 to 7:30. He's been sleeping pretty well through the night now and usually gives us a six to eight hour stretch, so I don't get too horribly grumpy at the thought of being up so early (Translation: I fall asleep in the floor of the baby-proofed playroom while he entertains himself). Usually he plays with Da in the morning while I make breakfast and get things ready to get Jeff out the door. After Daddy is gone we almost ALWAYS do some independent play before naptime so I have a chance to get ready and have some mama time. And apart from cleaning up after meals or things that we do right away to keep the house tidy, I usually only clean while Thatcher is napping, so when he's awake we can do things together. 

That's always the same. I've found out the hard way, though that Thatcher I and both thrive off of routine. I'm a very organized person by nature, so I'm a little embarrassed it took me this long to incorporate it into our weekly routine. But finally we have, and it works!

Monday: On Monday I wash and hang dry (yes, we use a clothesline! Gasp! How old-fashioned!) our laundry from the week. In the morning while Thatcher is playing I plan out our week and round up any errands and things that need to be done. Monday is also one of Jeff's days off, which we take pretty seriously. We try to spend the whole day being together and doing fun things. Monday is also when we set our goal of what we want Thatcher to learn that week (ie: body part, new sign language, etc). 

Tuesday: Tuesday is spent folding laundry and putting it away along with our usual chores. We stay home almost all day and get the things around the house done. We also go to our local library for story and discovery time each Tuesday, which is just down the street and gives Thatcher a chance to interact with other littles and see new things. Tuesday is also our arts and crafts day, so we aim for all of our activities to have some sort of artsy theme.  Usually we do one or two activities which last anywhere from ten minutes to an hour depending on little Thatch's mood. We do painting, sidewalk chalk, crafts, coloring, and anything else we can think of. Thatcher wasn't a huge fan of getting down and dirty with art projects in the beginning but he's really warmed up to it. Usually I hang up whatever he did that day and when it's dry I show him and I swear that baby feels pride. His smile is just heart-melting. We generally end each day with Thatcher helping make dinner. 

Wednesday: This is our errand day. We're usually out running errands in between naps, so Thatcher gets to get out and wave at everyone and be worn a lot. This is supposedly the day I have set aside to work on blog posts, but my three month absence shows that our routine doesn't always get followed to a T. (Does anything get done totally with kids, though?). 

Thursday: On Thursday I sweep and mop the tile areas of the house and vacuum the whole house. I end up vacuuming here and there every day (I can't imagine why...) so at least once a week I do a very thorough job. Thursday's theme is sensory play. Thatcher really loves this one. We have a whole notebook of activities that engage his senses and get him trying new things. He loves playing in oatmeal, shaving creme, with felt, anything that's new and exciting he adores. It's so fun watching him react to new things! 

Friday: On Friday during naptime I try to do one big organizing or craft project. Usually it ends up being cleaning out the fridge, working on crafts for the house or organizing the basement. It feels really great to get a big to-do out of the way! Friday is also usually the day we play with our friend Tracy and her kids, so it's a nice break to be with another adult. When we get home in the afternoon we focus on our Montessori activities. We do blocks, thread things (like pipe-cleaner through a colander), putting things into containers, sorting objects, and so on. We love these activities because they focus on letting thatcher guide his own learning environment with pre-determined stations. He goes from thing to thing and works on motor skills, critical thinking and working together to accomplish things. It's fun to see him learning and see things clicking in his brain. 

Saturday: Generally the week is so packed that Saturday is pretty free--apart from naps. We usually do things together like go to the farmer's market, the children's museum, splash pad or lunch dates. It's time to just have fun and play together. 

Looking at it all written out it looks intimidating to me now, but it's amazing the change I could see when we started getting into a good routine. We're both happier and more productive when we know what to expect each day, keep up on chores and make time to be together instead of occupying him while i catch up on housework (which happens, of course but I try to keep it minimal). I feel like being a stay at home mom is such a blessing and a responsibility that I need to really take advantage of!

That being said we do have different types of play. Usually our directed play (arts, sensory and montessori) are themed and have goals we'd like to accomplish. Usually we try to use toys and objects that aren't his over-flowing trucks, trians, balls, etc. We also have independent play, which Thatcher does every morning before his nap.This is when he grabs whatever toys he wants and does whatever he wants. I feel like it's so important to have a balance between independent play that fosters a lot of imagination and directed play that works on milestones and skills he needs to learn. 

We also read about five books a day because he's a boy obsessed, not that this mama is complaining! 

So that's generally how our week goes. Things come up of course and get switched around but we try to accomplish all of those things so that we're both busy and engaged with each other rather than phones, computers and TV all the time. We do enjoy a show every day (usually to make him last before a nap or to entertain him while mama cooks or folds laundry) and I refuse to let myself feel guilty about that. I think it's hard to say what a child needs or doesn't need in a day because every child is so different. 

For those of you who have messaged me, please let me know if you  have any other questions! 

<3

Thatcher's First Birthday!

It's been about a week since Thatcher turned one, and I think I'm over the blubbering "I can't believe my babe is a year old!" thing. Most of the time. 

Luckily he started walking full force a couple of days before his birthday, so it gave us something to be so excited about that I didn't think as much about him growing up. Plus, there was that whole planning and prepping for his party thing. 

It was such an exciting weekend! My mom flew in Thursday and Thatcher was so excited to have his Gam Gam around! 

For Thatcher's birthday party we decided to do a Where The Wild Things Are party. It was the first book that Thatcher paid attention to and giggled through, so we thought it would be fun. It was so fun making decorations and getting everything ready for the party. I was very very lucky that Jeff went along with all of my planning even though he thought it was a bit overboard. He's the greatest! Thatcher had such a blast playing with all of his friends and family and getting so so spoiled, of course. We have the greatest friends and family! 

The BEST surprise though came at the party. My uncle Mike texted my mom and asked where we were because he wanted to send us something. This made zero sense but she texted him the address back, and then a few minutes later my cousins Kim and Leslie walk in the door. I was so shocked! They flew all the way from Missouri to come see me and meet Thatcher. I was in tears, it was so so sweet to see them! It's a surprise I'll cherish forever! 

And now, lots of pictures.:) 

Thatcher and Dada playing while we decorated. He freaked out about the balloons! 

Guestbook table. We found these fun crowns instead of party hats, and put out a picture of Thatcher from each month out. My favorite thing was that we took Thatcher's copy of Where The Wild Things Are and used it as a guestbook so he'll always have everyone's birthday wishes! 

Thatcher's cake! Our friend Tracy is too amazing and helped us bake and decorate it and the cupcakes

The Birthday Boy! 

Thatcher was adored by his lady friends all day.. he loved it.

Highchair fun! 

He wasn't too sure of the cake. I stuck his hand in it and he freaked out and refused to eat it the whole day!  

We're so grateful to all of our sweet family and friends who came out to celebrate. Bring on the toddler-hood! 

Why I love my postpartum body--and you should too.

In my experience as a mom, there's a lot of judging that goes on. We're all guilty at some point or another of looking at another mom and shaming the way she does things because we see a different and or perceived better way. I've grown to accept that as sad as it is, that's life.

But there's this whole world of body shaming that exists outside of motherhood. We spend 9 months of our pregnancies being told what a miracle it was that our bodies could grow and accommodate another human--we're basically hailed as saints for giving up so much of ourselves for someone else. And truly, we start to believe it. We take pride in every ultrasound, kick and mention of the life growing inside of us.

Then we give birth. Suddenly and abruptly we're told by loved ones, companies, and strangers that it's time to buck up and lose the "baby weight." Everyone starts suggesting diets, pills, exercise routines, cremes and wraps that can make us "like new" and "back to normal" again. And, we start to believe it. 

We're made to believe that there is something wrong with our postpartum bodies--something that needs to be erased as soon as humanly possible. It's like society says "body, you've done this wonderful thing..but it's time to go." 

I'm sorry, but I refuse this notion. I got lucky. I only gained about 15 pounds during my pregnancy (despite a monstrous appetite) and because I breastfeed I lost it quickly. Because of this women scoff at me and say I don't understand what it's like to struggle with postpartum self image as it is forced upon us. What people forget that our bodies are different. My "let myself go" may be different than yours but can't we both share that experience? 

I didn't have trouble losing the weight I gained while pregnant--this time. I remember looking at myself hours after giving birth and comparing what I saw for the last nine months I thought "wow, I look great!" Then I got home. I saw how my tummy sagged like jello, how visible and red the stretchmarks that hid from my sight for the last few months were...and I felt awful about myself. It didn't get easier when people started forcing the idea on me that I needed to change as soon as the doctor gave me the green light. 

I love my postpartum body. Not because I lost the weight, or because I'm not as saggy and my stretchmarks have faded slightly. I love my postpartum body because I can look at myself and see something amazing that my body and I did together. We went through so much and we're blessed with a beautiful baby..why should I be ashamed of that? I love my stretchmarks because they help me remember how it felt when Thatcher would hiccup inside of me or how happy I was to look down and know he was in there growing. 

People keep telling me how when I wean my boobs will be "saggy" or "gross" like I should be ashamed. But like my body we experienced something wonderful together. They provided milk for my baby. Comfort for him and I couldn't imagine being disappointed in any part of my body that has helped bring me so much joy in being able to bear and feed my sweet boy.  

I think it's great to want to be healthy and work out and diet after having a baby or weaning a child. . But I'm tired of being asked to believe that it's necessary or right for everyone. 

My body brought me my baby and I'm proud of what we've been through. I hope every mom can let themselves feel love for their postpartum body instead of shame. 

Why I Nurse to Sleep

Let me start off by saying, I love our pediatrician. He's a great doctor, he's so fun and playful with Thatcher and we really do see eye to eye on a majority of really important things.

Which is why at our nine month check up I was surprised that he told me I should stop nursing to sleep and that at this age Thatcher doesn't really need to eat at night. I had told him how usually he sleeps great but has been having a hard time, probably due to his teeth coming in or getting closer to walking. He then told me to night wean and stop nursing to sleep so that I didn't form a "bad habit." It surprised me so much that I didn't even know how to respond at first; I never saw it as a bad habit.

It made me feel inadequate. It made me feel like I'm crippling my child; and my first thought was "Yeah, I guess I should." But that's not right, and though I whole heartedly believe that doctors know their stuff and that we should draw from that wisdom for so many things, some things are just going make sense as a mother. Some things depend on each individual and unique parenting relationship.

Like adversity always does, no matter how small, it made me ask myself "why do I nurse Thatcher to sleep? And why do I still wake up (and hope that he does, too) to feed him at three in the morning?" It stayed on my mind this week, and as I looked down today to see Thatcher finally close his heavy lids at naptime, I knew why.

I nurse to sleep because it's easy. I know he'll fall asleep quickly. But more than that I know he'll fall asleep happily.
I nurse to sleep because when I look down and see his eyelids fighting to stay open, his little hands soft and his cheeks flushed from my body heat; I melt. My entire body is just this puddle of goo because there is nothing sweeter than watching his sucks slow and his lids fall closed.
I nurse to sleep because breastfeeding is about more than food. It's also about thirst, and comfort and I love knowing that he's happily drifting to sleep.
Sure, he doesn't need to eat at three am. He would most likely be fine going all night, but haven't you ever woken up thirsty? Haven't you ever woken up and just pulled your significant other closer because you needed that affection?
I wake up to feed him because I feed on demand. Even if that demand is inconvenient and makes me want to swear sometimes. I'm a parent 24/7 not just during the daylight hours.

I nurse to sleep. And I wake up at least once a night to feed my baby because it works for us, and it's okay that it might not for you. It makes life harder, sure. But it makes my son little babe happy and ultimately that's what matters, isn't it?