Thatcher's First Birthday!

It's been about a week since Thatcher turned one, and I think I'm over the blubbering "I can't believe my babe is a year old!" thing. Most of the time. 

Luckily he started walking full force a couple of days before his birthday, so it gave us something to be so excited about that I didn't think as much about him growing up. Plus, there was that whole planning and prepping for his party thing. 

It was such an exciting weekend! My mom flew in Thursday and Thatcher was so excited to have his Gam Gam around! 

For Thatcher's birthday party we decided to do a Where The Wild Things Are party. It was the first book that Thatcher paid attention to and giggled through, so we thought it would be fun. It was so fun making decorations and getting everything ready for the party. I was very very lucky that Jeff went along with all of my planning even though he thought it was a bit overboard. He's the greatest! Thatcher had such a blast playing with all of his friends and family and getting so so spoiled, of course. We have the greatest friends and family! 

The BEST surprise though came at the party. My uncle Mike texted my mom and asked where we were because he wanted to send us something. This made zero sense but she texted him the address back, and then a few minutes later my cousins Kim and Leslie walk in the door. I was so shocked! They flew all the way from Missouri to come see me and meet Thatcher. I was in tears, it was so so sweet to see them! It's a surprise I'll cherish forever! 

And now, lots of pictures.:) 

Thatcher and Dada playing while we decorated. He freaked out about the balloons! 

Guestbook table. We found these fun crowns instead of party hats, and put out a picture of Thatcher from each month out. My favorite thing was that we took Thatcher's copy of Where The Wild Things Are and used it as a guestbook so he'll always have everyone's birthday wishes! 

Thatcher's cake! Our friend Tracy is too amazing and helped us bake and decorate it and the cupcakes

The Birthday Boy! 

Thatcher was adored by his lady friends all day.. he loved it.

Highchair fun! 

He wasn't too sure of the cake. I stuck his hand in it and he freaked out and refused to eat it the whole day!  

We're so grateful to all of our sweet family and friends who came out to celebrate. Bring on the toddler-hood! 

Why I love my postpartum body--and you should too.

In my experience as a mom, there's a lot of judging that goes on. We're all guilty at some point or another of looking at another mom and shaming the way she does things because we see a different and or perceived better way. I've grown to accept that as sad as it is, that's life.

But there's this whole world of body shaming that exists outside of motherhood. We spend 9 months of our pregnancies being told what a miracle it was that our bodies could grow and accommodate another human--we're basically hailed as saints for giving up so much of ourselves for someone else. And truly, we start to believe it. We take pride in every ultrasound, kick and mention of the life growing inside of us.

Then we give birth. Suddenly and abruptly we're told by loved ones, companies, and strangers that it's time to buck up and lose the "baby weight." Everyone starts suggesting diets, pills, exercise routines, cremes and wraps that can make us "like new" and "back to normal" again. And, we start to believe it. 

We're made to believe that there is something wrong with our postpartum bodies--something that needs to be erased as soon as humanly possible. It's like society says "body, you've done this wonderful thing..but it's time to go." 

I'm sorry, but I refuse this notion. I got lucky. I only gained about 15 pounds during my pregnancy (despite a monstrous appetite) and because I breastfeed I lost it quickly. Because of this women scoff at me and say I don't understand what it's like to struggle with postpartum self image as it is forced upon us. What people forget that our bodies are different. My "let myself go" may be different than yours but can't we both share that experience? 

I didn't have trouble losing the weight I gained while pregnant--this time. I remember looking at myself hours after giving birth and comparing what I saw for the last nine months I thought "wow, I look great!" Then I got home. I saw how my tummy sagged like jello, how visible and red the stretchmarks that hid from my sight for the last few months were...and I felt awful about myself. It didn't get easier when people started forcing the idea on me that I needed to change as soon as the doctor gave me the green light. 

I love my postpartum body. Not because I lost the weight, or because I'm not as saggy and my stretchmarks have faded slightly. I love my postpartum body because I can look at myself and see something amazing that my body and I did together. We went through so much and we're blessed with a beautiful baby..why should I be ashamed of that? I love my stretchmarks because they help me remember how it felt when Thatcher would hiccup inside of me or how happy I was to look down and know he was in there growing. 

People keep telling me how when I wean my boobs will be "saggy" or "gross" like I should be ashamed. But like my body we experienced something wonderful together. They provided milk for my baby. Comfort for him and I couldn't imagine being disappointed in any part of my body that has helped bring me so much joy in being able to bear and feed my sweet boy.  

I think it's great to want to be healthy and work out and diet after having a baby or weaning a child. . But I'm tired of being asked to believe that it's necessary or right for everyone. 

My body brought me my baby and I'm proud of what we've been through. I hope every mom can let themselves feel love for their postpartum body instead of shame. 

Why I Nurse to Sleep

Let me start off by saying, I love our pediatrician. He's a great doctor, he's so fun and playful with Thatcher and we really do see eye to eye on a majority of really important things.

Which is why at our nine month check up I was surprised that he told me I should stop nursing to sleep and that at this age Thatcher doesn't really need to eat at night. I had told him how usually he sleeps great but has been having a hard time, probably due to his teeth coming in or getting closer to walking. He then told me to night wean and stop nursing to sleep so that I didn't form a "bad habit." It surprised me so much that I didn't even know how to respond at first; I never saw it as a bad habit.

It made me feel inadequate. It made me feel like I'm crippling my child; and my first thought was "Yeah, I guess I should." But that's not right, and though I whole heartedly believe that doctors know their stuff and that we should draw from that wisdom for so many things, some things are just going make sense as a mother. Some things depend on each individual and unique parenting relationship.

Like adversity always does, no matter how small, it made me ask myself "why do I nurse Thatcher to sleep? And why do I still wake up (and hope that he does, too) to feed him at three in the morning?" It stayed on my mind this week, and as I looked down today to see Thatcher finally close his heavy lids at naptime, I knew why.

I nurse to sleep because it's easy. I know he'll fall asleep quickly. But more than that I know he'll fall asleep happily.
I nurse to sleep because when I look down and see his eyelids fighting to stay open, his little hands soft and his cheeks flushed from my body heat; I melt. My entire body is just this puddle of goo because there is nothing sweeter than watching his sucks slow and his lids fall closed.
I nurse to sleep because breastfeeding is about more than food. It's also about thirst, and comfort and I love knowing that he's happily drifting to sleep.
Sure, he doesn't need to eat at three am. He would most likely be fine going all night, but haven't you ever woken up thirsty? Haven't you ever woken up and just pulled your significant other closer because you needed that affection?
I wake up to feed him because I feed on demand. Even if that demand is inconvenient and makes me want to swear sometimes. I'm a parent 24/7 not just during the daylight hours.

I nurse to sleep. And I wake up at least once a night to feed my baby because it works for us, and it's okay that it might not for you. It makes life harder, sure. But it makes my son little babe happy and ultimately that's what matters, isn't it?