So as soon as I found out I was pregnant with Olivia I decided I wanted the whole experience this time. I spent months reading countless birth stories and experiences, books, breathing techniques and blogs. I was so prepared. I had this! Easy peasy.
HAHHAHA. oh, sorry.
On the morning of July 15th we got to the hospital at 545 in the morning. Id been having contractions basically all night and hadn't slept more than a few hours. Some of that was probably due to the fact that I knew I'd be spending the day away from thatcher soon which made me anxious and sad.
After getting hooked up to the monitors I was told my contractions were already coming every 3-4 minutes. We decided to stay and walk around the hospital and wait for Dr. Bierer to come. I was still contracting around 8:30 or so when he arrived so I had him break my water to speed things up. He broke my water and then together he and Jeff gave me a priesthood blessing, which was amazing. I'm so grateful to have a husband and a doctor who are able to give me that comfort and strength in a time of serious need.
After my water was broken I labored on my own for about 2-2.5 hours. While still consistent my contractions weren't getting too much closer together so we decided to do just a bit of pitocin to get my body in a 2 minute pattern.
People aren't kidding when they say pitocin is ROUGH. Being hooked up to the iv and monitors was so hard. I wanted to walk and move and get in the bath, but I couldn't which made those contractions come crashing down all the harder. I had been breathing through them and really using and appreciating my birth affirmations up until this point but it started to get pretty painful. My labor wasn't in my back like I'd expected, it was in my front. Almost like I had to pee SO SO SO badly every time. There wasn't much massaging or rubbing I could do to help it because it was right where she was. So, I screamed. BOY, did I scream. Loudly. Incoherently. Unabashed screaming. My sweet friend Jessica was there and while Jeff massaged my back and shoulders, swayed and rocked with me and wet my face with a wash cloth she cheered me on and offered different positions that may help.
In my agony I shot down every wonderful suggestion she had. I. Was. Miserable.
But my goal was the bath. I really really wanted that bath. I'd heard wonderful magical things about laboring in water. I needed the water. After I made it through the worst of the pitocin contractions, I still had to stay hooked up to the monitor for thirty agonizing minutes. It was torture and I begged, earnestly now, for drugs.
Finally I was able to get in the bath. Before I got in my delivery nurse said, "if you feel like you have to push or poop at all you CANNOT get in the bath!" Of course I didn't, i said.
I lied. I lied so badly. BUT GUYS! I earned that freaking bath! I was only at 5 cm dilated anyway, so I had time.
Haha! Time. Right.
So I got into my bath, which did help a lot. I still screamed loudly during my contractions, but it was more tolerable. I think I only had about 2 contractions in the bath. Then, I started to push. I can't describe it, but I really felt strongly that I needed to push. I couldn't even think about what it meant, I just had to. I told Jessica weakly and at first she thought I was mistaken. No way, I'm only at a five. Then I must have said it more urgently because she ran to call the nurses in.
They knew baby would be coming soon so they'd began to set up the delivery things. Jeff and Jessica cheered me on and assured me that we were so close--look at all the delivery prep! I got into bed and my nurse checked me again. At this point my contractions were peaking--I was so so so done. I looked Jeff in the eyes and again BEGGED for that epidural. I did NOT want to do this. WHY was I doing this?! I was at 8 cm now and though they said I could have the epidural (which Jeff realized I was so serious about and actually asked them for it, too) they said it wouldn't kick in. I was close. In my mind I'm thinking "well I'm not paying for it not to work. Screw it, I'm dying anyway." I'm a little dramatic. So, we decided no epidural.
Suddenly, the urge to push was completely and totally overwhelming. While I was in fact pushing i wasn't in control--my body was pushing that baby out regardless. I screamed that she was coming and the nurses scrambled around. Some finishing up delivery prep, some calling for my doctor, and my delivery nurse checking me. In the few minutes I asked for the epidural I had reached 10 cm. the nurses screamed for me to stop pushing but I really couldn't. It went against everything my body was doing.
I should point out though that at this point I had no idea that my baby was being born. They kept telling me not to push and I kept yelling at them, "IM JUST POOPING! Let me poop!" Which I believed. Until Jessica and my nurse got inches from my face and said "Taylor. That's your baby's head. Stop!" So I guess if I had to equate child birth to anything, it's the #2. 😉
Also, any fear I had of pooping in labor was out the window in that moment that o literally thought I was.
Okay, proceed.
They called my doctor again, called the on call doctor and the charge nurse. I remember hearing my nurse saying that she didn't feel comfortable delivering the baby and I had to wait. Uh- yeah right. So while I'm pushing and screaming (I was literally screaming "get out" at the top of my lungs) my delivery nurse pushed Olivia's head back in. BACK INTO MY BODY! Which freaking hurt because, hello, not how that's supposed to happen. Two times Olivia's head was born and two times the nurse held her back in.
Finally the on call doctor sauntered in. He literally sauntered, slowly, into the room and proceeded to make small talk with me. I snapped "I DO NOT WANT TO TALK TO YOU" while the nurse yelled that he didn't have time and she was coming. He rushed to get a gown and gloves on while I continued to push. He barely caught Olivia. My legs weren't even in the stirrups, she just came out on the bed and he cut the cord. Which really upset me too because we'd opted for delayed cord clamping but I figured since it was kind of a rushed situation what could you do. As soon as the cord was cut my doctor walked in and finished up.
From the time I got out of the bath and into bed to the time she was totally born was TWO MINUTES. Which probably would have been more like 30 seconds had they not kept her from coming out. I didn't realize it was even that fast until I watched the video that Jessica took.
It was so intense and fast and insane. And while I was pretty miserable during transition, I'm so glad that Jeff and Jessica kept me on track and didn't let me get the epidural. I'm not sure yet if it's an experience that I'll have again, but it's an experience I'm so grateful to have had.
I have so much respect for birth. Natural, C-section, epidural. It's all so amazing that were able to house and birth these tiny humans. Our bodies are seriously perfect.
And now almost two weeks later were so in love with our Olivia Ona. She's a sweet, mild girl who eats ferociously and snuggles perfectly.
Her name makes her even more special to us, too. Ona comes from Jeffs grandmother who is one of the strongest, most intelligent and caring women I've been blessed to know. We can only hope that our little Ona will be like her namesake.
