How I keep up with my home: Deep Clean Monday!

 

This week I shared some cleaning videos on my instagram stories, and ya'll went wild! 

I don't typically share a ton about cleaning because I don't ever want anyone to feel insecure about their level of cleanliness. I've definitely been that clueless newlywed (like, I grew up with a house keeper clueless. Like, don't ever ask my aunt about the time I tried to do my own laundry at sixteen and used bleach instead of detergent clueless), and I've been so depressed that cleaning was the last thing on my mind. I think we ALL have. 

But, it seems like there's an interest in cleaning things and I'm SO excited about that. I discovered my obsession with cleaning through my anxiety a few years ago and while the anxiety is gone (check out my post about my shen men piercing, it's life changing!) the love for clean, minimal and tidy spaces has remained. 

So let's jump into some super safe space come as you are cleaning chats! 

This week when I did a poll about what topics you all wanted to know more about my cleaning schedule was NUMERO UNO! Like, a surprising amount of comments. 

And I hope this isn't a letdown: but I kind of don't keep one. 

Stay with me! 

I tried every cleaning schedule and organized calendar around. Your girl does a LOT of cleaning blogs, tiktoks and video searchin'. Every cleaning schedule I tried either didn't stick or always left me feeling like something wasn't done. 

So I ditched them and haven't looked back. 

Instead, I gathered things from other bloggers and cleaning accounts that I appreciated and kind of made my own routine. The biggest and most important aspect of this routine is simple: 

DEEP CLEAN MONDAY! 

It's been lifechanging for me! I feel like my house is always clean (like, actual clean...there's plenty of toys and kids clothes laying about) and mostly always tidy. I love deep clean monday because it sets my week off to a totally fresh start and makes my home easier to maintain during the week. By spending time knocking everything out on Monday, I'm able to tidy up within minutes on any given day. No more mad dashes to pick up before people stop by. Well, when people used to stop by. In the before times. Quarantine, sigh. 

So what is it?

It's pretty much just what it sounds like! Every Monday I deep clean my house top to bottom. Think of it like a mini spring clean weekly. 
I know that sounds exhausting, but hear me out. The first week will take a while. You're cleaning spaces you probably haven't touched in a minute. But after that it's pretty quick and painless since you're keeping up on it every week! 

I usually grab a fiiz (so sorry if you're not in Utah, you're missing out!) and start first thing in the morning. I have a caddy that I load up with all of my cleaning supplies so I can carry them from room to room which makes it a lot easier. 

Since it's a rather large list I created a printable that you can download and print to keep track. It's my deep clean Monday master list. I put mine in a sheet protector so I can mark each item off with a dry erase marker. 

So what happens after deep clean Monday? Since everything has been deep cleaned at the start of the week it's pretty easy to keep on top of everything. There are a few things I do daily to make things easier, but mostly we have just gotten into the habit of cleaning as we go and putting things away when we're finished. 

As far as daily to do's it's pretty basic: 

Every morning I unload the dishwasher and start a load of laundry. Usually I do this while I'm making the kid's breakfast. 

The kids are in charge of their rooms and have a weekly zone to keep clean ie the play room. They usually do that in the afternoon before they can have screens. 

Every Monday I wash towels and every Saturday I wash bedding

Every Friday I clean out the fridge which isn't too daunting since it's done weekly

That's pretty much it! I much prefer having a busy Monday rather than spending hours cleaning every day. It's so nice to start the week off right and make the rest of the week a little more calm! 

Feel free to print my master list and follow me at @simplytaylorraye to find more cleaning discussions and tips! 

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY MASTER LIST

"Mama"

A lot of you (like, a lot) will not know that I am a writer. It's something that used to be a huge part of my life but kind of got put on the back burner for a few years...because mental health. But, thanks to a lot of encouragement, I started writing again this year. I never share my writing before it's published (and this one has been submitted to a very niche literary magazine so we'll see what happens) but I had the urge to share it today. I'm rusty. Like you may need a tetanus shot rusty. Let's blame the quarantine. I think it just felt fitting given the current climate. 

We're all tired. 

We're stretched thin in so many directions without much certainty. It's hard. 

And while I'm all about girl power and overcoming it's okay to feel that hard too, live in it. 

I hope this helps some of you feel seen during the wild broken down roller coaster that is 2020. You're loved. 

Mama

“Mama! Mama!” Her tiny arms reached upward, demanding me to hold her. Such a simple thing. A simple insistence. In her haste to be comforted she is not concerned with anything else. She looks past my dark circled eyes and sagging shoulders. My hair is unwashed and wild. Bits and pieces sticking out of the hair tie I haphazardly placed days ago. The exhaustion radiates from inside of me but she doesn’t see it. She sees only her place of refuge as the fever that’s raged inside of her for days still burns. Her cheeks are red and warm so I give her another dose of medicine. My body sinks and I sigh. I am tired. 

It’s a different kind of tired. Not the tired that comes from endless loads of laundry or the things that keep me busy throughout the day. It’s not a trivial kind of tired. It’s a tired that I feel in my bones. In my limbs. It’s a tired that comes from sleepless nights when everyone else is quiet. Laying down in bed just to be woken again, for the umpteeth time, to care for someone else. A tired that comes after years of being a food source; always within reach and never dry. A tired that can only be felt after my body has been split open and healed over and over again. Sustaining life is tiring. 

Some days I can look beyond the exhaustion; pick up my dragging feet. Some days I can tickle and chase and feel whole. Other days though, I wallow in it. Achy and weary I take cover in my bed and let them fend for themselves; not quite feral but not cared for on a level they’re used to. Those days it’s all I can do to keep my mind from wandering. From wondering how I’m failing so miserably at this and  what I could be missing. So many experiences that will be left unlived; forgotten in a corner of my mind like old toys. Some days it almost feels like this will consume me; the duties never ending. There is always a need. Some days I go through the motions on auto-pilot and find no joy. And then the immense guilt sets in. I should appreciate it more. Children don’t last, they say. 

“Mama” again she’s at my feet reaching skyward. This time her voice is softer; less demanding. Her chubby fingers curl toward me and beckon me in. She feels heavy in my arms as her head sinks into my body. She is soft and warm. My breath slows to match hers and our chests rise and fall together. She’s always really been an extension of me. We move in unison, our bodies linked in a unique way that only they can be. I can feel the oxytocin rushing over me like a wave of relief. Her eyelashes  flutter against my collar bone. Fighting to stay open until they can’t anymore. Her fight is gone and she sinks into a comfortable sleep; her breaths heavy and slow. I lean down and kiss the crown of her head gently. I can smell her sweet sweat mixed with honey shampoo. I want to burn the smell of her into my brain. I want to force myself to memorize the weight of her body curled into my chest. The exhaustion still radiates, but it is a slower burn. I am where I want to be.

Minimizing Your Waste + Simple Ways To Start

If you've talked to me for more than five seconds you probably know I am ALL about that minimalism life. It eases my depression, it helps me get kids out of the house quick-ish and it's all around been a game changer for my home. 

Another aspect of minimalism that I don't talk about as often is minimizing waste. Yes, I know that's technically called zero waste..but my small amount of OCD won't let me say zero waste knowing that I will never truly produce zero waste...welcome to my brain! So, I try my best to minimize mine and my family's waste in really simple ways. It can seem SO daunting to make changes in this aspect of life (single use plastic is EVERYWHERE around us) but once you get started it's really not too bad! I want to share with you some of my favorite simple ways to reduce waste in your home.

#1: Most of these changes really focus on limiting your use of single use plastic. The first thing I did when trying to use less plastic was switch to bulk buying. Instead of heading to the grocery store and stocking up on bulk items that come in it's own packaging (think chocolate chips, flour, sugar, oats etc) we head to a local grocery store that offers these items in bulk! We're in Utah so we have Winco everywhere. They have a huge bulk section where you can buy lots of different food items without the packaging- and pro tip: it's usually cheaper this way! When you're not paying for the packaging you can minimize your grocery budget too. When we get home we put these items into mason jars which i actually really love to look at with our open shelving. I'm also all about those farmhouse vibes! 

#2: This brings us to the second swap. Great, you've found a store that offers lots of items in bulk...but don't you have to use plastic bags to weigh and buy them? NOPE! No. No. No. This is like one of the biggest grocery store lies out there. You don't have to use plastic bags! Not for produce, not for bulk items. Nope. My favorite swap we've done is...cloth produce bags! These were SO cheap to make (I actually just sewed them with my very basic skills from old dish towels and pillow cases) and save sooooo much plastic waste! I bring them with my reusable grocery bags and put in them whatever I would put in the plastic bags the store offers. And if you are just buying produce, you don't even NEED them. It's not mandatory to bag produce. Often times I'll just grab whatever I need and put it right into the cart. I promise that little plastic bag isn't keeping you from any germs, either. Produce gets handled a LOT before it gets in your hand. Wash well! 

#3: Reusable ziploc bags and pouches: This was another big one for us. With kids we use SO many plastic bags. Lunches, snacks on the go, bribes to not scream the entire time we're at the store...it's a lot. I simply went onto amazon, found a set of bags I liked and boom! No more waste. And again, you save so much money not buying them all the time! We also use a lot of single serve pouches. With Evie's bowel issues her snacks are typically pureed fruit or applesauce. Instead of paying a RIDICULOUS amount of money for individual pouches at the store, I bought these super cute reusable pouches and fill them myself. They're bigger, too! 

#4: Menstrual cup! I said it. Periods happen, it's life. But the amount of waste we make during that super fun week is insane. Like...insane. Menstrual cups last years and are actually a lot more convenient than tampons and pads. And since I am lucky and get two periods a months thanks to Evie...my diva cup is my best friend. 

#5: Steel alternatives! I've been using steel cups and water bottles for years to cut down on the need for plastic water bottles, but steel straws didn't cross my mind until last year. I picked up a set on Amazon that came with lots of straws, brushes and even a pouch to carry with me. I leave some at home and take 2-4 with me so I can use them at restaurants and events. Just remember that you used your own straw and don't forget it at your favorite hibachi grill...learn from my mistakes ;) 

#6: Cloth napkins were another DIY waste project I did and they were so easy! I picked out a flannel print I loved (avocados, duh) and a terry cloth material. I measured a napkin I already had and cut them to size and sewed them together. Super simple and so absorbent! We just use them however we'd use paper towels and they save us so much waste with small kids! 

That's it! Six easy ways to reduce the waste in your home. Once you make small changes it's easier to tackle the bigger things. Start small and make a huge impact! 

What are your favorite ways to reduce waste?

The Down And Dirty On Anxiety And The Shen Men Piercing

One of the most asked questions I get on my instagram is about my shen men piercing and how it's effected my anxiety. It's often too much for one insta post, so hopefully this helps! 

Sadly, mental illness is no stranger to me. It's something I've dealt with, and dealt with HARD, for a long time. My struggles seem to be never ending with mental health, but one thing that's taken the front seat (let's be honest, it's in the drivers seat most days) since becoming a mom is anxiety. 

As it turns out my biggest anxiety triggers are loud noises and mess...so you can imagine how well that's translated into the blessed journey of motherhood... not well. My middle daughter is basically a walking loud mess. So my anxiety has been at an all time high over the last couple of years. It was bad, ya'll. Like rage-momster style bad. I spent basically every single day overwhelmed with panic. I yelled. I rage cleaned. I had a constantly tight chest and tense body. It was just becoming so normal to me that it didn't even phase me. I could see myself acting out of anxiety, but I couldn't seem to step in and stop it. I remember crying on the phone to my sister once because after I vented to her about something that was just colossal to me she replied "there's literally nothing you can do...just don't worry about it" WHAT?! How can I not worry about it? How can I not fixate on something so intensely that it consumes me with worry and straight up panic? How is that even possible? It was a physical reaction that I had ZERO control over. I was having full blown panic attacks every day almost. It felt like I was having a heart attack and I was sure my heart would pound right out of my chest. I overthought every word I said or was said to me, I was sure everyone hated me and I dreaded any social gathering. 

It wasn't pretty, folks. 

As I've been more open with my struggle with anxiety I've come to realize a LOT of you also struggle. 

Last May I'd had enough. I haven't had the best luck with anxiety medication (we're all SO different, medication may be just what you need! I'm not advocating against meds. They're wonderful) and I didn't want to be on something long term. So I started looking into acupuncture piercings. I know so many people who've gotten daith piercings for migraines and had such amazing results...there had to be something for anxiety, too.

So I googled. I also remembered a friend who's dad is a doctor and acupuncturist. He said that he totally wasn't a believer until he started practicing it and saw people walk in totally fine and just break down in uncontrollable sobs as he hit different points. He told me about the shen men point which basically the most calming and relaxing ear point. Supposedly it could even help relieve anxiety. 

I was pretty skeptical but I had to try. I was beyond miserable. I did a lot of calling around and finally found a piercing artist who didn't act like I was crazy when I asked about the shen men. A lot of piercers have never even heard of it. I lucked out and found someone who'd had great success with daith piercings and had some experience with shen men as well. 

That May I got my shen men pierced. I opted for the rook piercing which keeps the barbell on one side of your ear. The shen men piercing goes from the front out of the back of the ear through the shen men point (think cartilage piercing) while the rook goes through the shen men point but keeps the barbell on one side. I liked the look of the rook more and I knew it would be annoying to sleep with a barbell poking into my head. 

Ya'll. I cannot believe it worked! I was SO skeptical. I was sure there was no way it would end up working. But as soon as he pushed the needle through that point it was like my whole body relaxed. A ball of stress in my chest melted and I 'd had no idea that I had felt so tense. I was on a high. I went home feeling relieved, but skeptical. Surely it was just placebo and endorphins and it wouldn't last.

It's now been five months since I got my piercing. It's been life changing. I can honestly say I haven't had true anxiety since May. I've worried. I've fretted. I've not felt tight and tense. I've not felt like I was having a heart attack or obsessed over things I can't control until they've consumed me. It's so crazy. I fully understand now how people could say things like let it go. My brain couldn't even comprehend doing that before and now it's so easy. And I've had so many things come up that would typically send me into an anxiety spiral (like insane health problems with my youngest. That whole situation would have KILLED me before my piercing). I'm more patient. I'm less quick to anger. I'm able to see what I can control and what I can't and not let those things I can't consume me. It's amazing. I feel like I've been given a second chance at life. I'm happier and more productive. I'm a nicer mom. 

So, here's the answers to the most common questions I get about it: 

1. Did it hurt? Not really. I used to have a fair amount of piercings so I may not be the best judge but it's really just a few seconds of burning and then it's over. Cartilage tends to be slower to heal than other piercings so it does stay sore for a little while (I slept on the other side of my head for a month or so) but it's really not bad. 

2. Is it hard to care for? Nope! Super easy. Some piercers can be outdated though, so be careful of that. Do NOT turn it or move it. It's important for it to stay still so it can heal properly and keep infections out. Don't touch it! DO NOT wash it with soaps and the like. Go to walgreens or CVS and get saline wound wash. Spray it twice a day. That's it! Keep that up for six weeks and it'll heal great! 

3. How much does it cost? It really depends on where you're at. $45-50 seems to be average. If you're local to Utah I highly highly recommend Travis at Deja Vu in the Ogden Newgate Mall. He's so knowledgeable and clean. 

4. How do I make sure it's the right spot? Finding someone who knows about acupuncture helps a ton. Some piercers will have you come in with anxiety so they can use needles or ear seeds to make sure it's the right spot. If you find someone you trust you'll be good! 

Talk about it! Talking about mental health is so important. Share your struggles and successes and what you've tried. It's so helpful to those dealing with mental illness and to those trying to support them. 

Have you tried the shen men piercing? How has your experience been?

Five Tips For Traveling With Kids Solo

Living away from family is so hard. I can go a pretty long time being homesick and missing my family but soon enough it gets to be too much and I cave and do something crazy. 

Like fly home alone with two toddlers kind of crazy. It wasn't really an option to me. I missed my family, my cute cousin was getting married and I had to be there. So i googled. And panicked. And fretted. 

I was so anxious to fly alone with both of my kids and google wasn't all that helpful in finding ways to manage it with a semblance of sanity. So now that I'm out on the other side I wanted to share a few traveling tips in the hopes that someone down the road will read this and feel a little less scared. 

So, here we go! 

1. Pack Early: This one is huge for me. I think the most stressful thing about traveling with kids, especially tiny just out of the baby stage kids, is packing. Kids need SO MANY THINGS! A billion outfits, multiple pairs of shoes, toys galore, that random thing they found in the backseat that they're now incredibly attached to, food, ALL THE THINGS, GUYS! So to make this whole process easier I decided to start packing three days before we left. Yeah, three days. I know that seems excessive but it was so heavenly! I was able to pack carry-on's and suitcases with ample time to make sure I got everything we would need. I even made lists of things to pack and marked them off as I put them into their case- it took away so much stress! By the morning we left I knew I had everything we would need and didn't have to rush around making sure i didn't forget anything. 
2. Throw all food related rules out the window: I'm pretty intense about what my kids eat. Their meals are usually healthy and we don't even buy junky snacks. I can't handle sugared up kids, so it's for my own sanity really. But when we travel the granola and the organic animal crackers go out the window with any rules I have about their diets. Fruit snacks? Sure, bring a whole box. Suckers? Have ten! I. Do. Not. Care. I want my sanity and everyone who's stuck on the flying metal tube with us for hours on end in tact. So we always buy a handful of snacks that we never do normally so they're exciting and new. Food goes a long way to keep kids quiet and happy. We do bring some of our normal snackage, too but if they only eat those paw patrol fruit snacks for the hour we're on the plane, I'm totally fine with that. Bribe, bribe, bribe. 
3. Tablets are your bestie: Luckily Thatcher is old enough to want to watch TV all the time. Normally this is kind of annoying because I have to constantly explain WHY we can't be in front of the TV 24 hours a day but when we're traveling I thank the tiny toddler tv gods that he's willing to watch PJ Masks for two hours. We bring noise cancelling headphones and let him have as much screen time as he needs to prevent any wild tantrums. Being stuck in a plane seat is so hard for littles, a little screen time is really a tender mercy for them. 
4. Lean on others: I am not the type to lean on other people. I'm a grin and bear it, get things done and manage by myself type. Even accepting help from my husband is so hard for me. I hate being a burden. One of the best things I've learned with travelling with toddlers is that other people want to help lift your burden, and it feels so great to let them. There were numerous times on our trip that I was stuck in an airport and dropped something, or couldn't carry my bags and the sleeping toddlers, or just needed someone else to be mom for a second so I could catch my breath. Letting those who offered help made it all so much less stressful once I accepted that it was okay to need help. When we were on a layover in Pheonix there was even an adorable older man in a wheelchair who my daughter became infatuated with. At first I was stressed that she kept going over to this old man and demanding attention, but he quickly saw a need and played with my kids for almost the entire layover so I could sit for a while. By the time we boarded the plane Ona was on his lap playing patty cake and I felt much less strapped of my attention. Helpful strangers are miracles when traveling alone with kids. 
5. Don't let the stress get to you: I know this is so much easier said than done but kids are SO perceptive of their parents emotions. I had to remind myself constantly that if I kept a happy attitude my kids likely would too. I turned every bathroom trip and takeoff into a game and it kept them excited and engaged. Of course we had our meltdowns, upsets and moments of tears but overall because I kept a happier tude my kids did too. I think that helped the absolute most.

Doing these things made my trip so much easier. As easy as traveling with kids can be, anyway. And the memories we got to have together and with my family is so worth dragging a kicking toddler through security. But excuse me while I don't travel alone with them for a couple years to recover. ;)

   XO

I Have Been Given Life

Can I get sappy for a minute? 

Thanks. 

We often talk about having children in terms of "giving life."

Mothers are often hailed as almost goddesses in our ability to create and shape people. 

Which I love. 

I absolutely love the ability that I have been blessed with to carry and birth these tiny little humans. Adore it. There isn't a day that goes by that I am not grateful for it.

But I feel like I'm being short-changing them if I don't get real and give them some of the credit, too. 

I may have made them, and I may be raising them, but I have been given life by these babes. I know saying that my children are my life often brings some discontent among more feminist females than I, but I am a mother. That's who I was always meant to be. Having babies and spending all of my time and effort raising those babies is my calling. I get that it's not that way for everyone. I get that some moms need time away or need a break or need something else driving them in life-- and I think that's equally beautiful and worthy. But I, to my core, am a mama. 

But that's the absolutely beautiful thing about the fact that my children have given me life just as much as I've given them theirs--it's true for every single mom out there. Working, Stay-at-home, has a nanny...it doesn't matter. This phrase connects us all because we have all felt it. 

My life is so different because of my children. Daily they teach me things that I never would have learned had it not been for them. Daily I am re-evaluating myself and changing things to become better. To become more. 

They've given me patience to stop and think rationally before I act. 

They've given me resolve to think critically and from a hundred different angles to solve a tantrum or find a solution for a problem. 

They've given me the understanding of how important it is to slow down in life and live in the moment. To appreciate that moment. 

They've given me understanding and forgiveness. 

I may have given them life. I may have brought them into this world and witnessed their first breaths but in so many more ways than I can describe they have truly given me the most useful skills and the best understanding of life. 

Does that mean that I'm always quick to hug and slow to yell? No. Of course not. My toddler is pushing every single boundary imaginable. Generally this is happening at the same time his sister is crying in my arms. It is exhausting. It is trying and it is hard. But it is beautiful and rewarding.

But that means that even on the hardest days, even when I feel like I just can't solve a single problem or navigate a single melt-down,  they give me the love and passion and will to try again. And when I have a bad day, when I go to bed regretting a word or an action, they give me a new day with a new chance to be better. 

Today I Chose Happiness

Today my toddler was grumpy. A two year old, grumpy? I know, it's insane. But he was. Not just a little grumpy. He was all out tantruming, hitting, kicking, scary grumpy. 

His 2.5 week old sister is gassy and cluster feeding which makes a grumpy toddler much more fun than usual. YSo after an intense cuddling session I unloaded my plan. "Wanna watch a show?" was of course met with an enthusiastic "yeah!" and ended all tears. 

Until he couldn't decide which show to watch. Cue meltdown. Somehow, as only toddlers can manage, this turned into an all out fight. Which turned into lots of awesome toddler screaming. All moms love being screamed at, right? And that folks, led to a declaration. "Okay! No shows today." What did I just say?! Holding my ground often means my plans of an "easy day" go out the window. 

I was exasperated. I was exhausted. I was feeling the anger well up inside of me and I was so close to tears myself. 

And I made a choice. 

Instead of giving in and getting mad, and frustrated and short--I chose to still make today happy. 

Which is so so hard for me. When I get mad, I'm mad. It's really hard for me to change that frame of mind. This often leads to me being short and distant with whoever it is that gets me to that point. 

So I decided to get over it. To free myself of feeling that anger (which as soon as that sweet little tantruming toddlers head rests on his pillow tonight will surely have turned to mom guilt) and try to salvage the day for the three of us. 

Instead of being short and distant I decided to be loving. 

Instead of losing my temper (which I like to think happens to us all) I chose to keep my cool. 

Instead of sticking him in his room and crying we broke out the Nemo bath toys he picked out last night at target. While the baby napped we played in the bath, blew bubbles and danced. 

And you know what? I wasn't angry anymore. 

I wasn't frustrated. I wasn't close to tears or wishing for bedtime. 

As we looked at and named all of the Finding Dory characters on the bathtub tile for the millionth time I felt that familiar heaviness in my heart. I felt the love for this difficult stubborn little boy swell. And I smiled. 

By making one small choice to choose happiness we both were able to make what could have been an exhausting and downright crummy night into something good. Something fun. 

It's hard sometimes. I feel like being a mom means giving up your right to be upset or frustrated. And it does. There is definitely a time to feel those things--but sometimes it also isn't. Sometimes that human reaction robs us of these otherwise perfect moments.  

I'm far from perfect. I have no clue what I'm doing most of the time. Tomorrow maybe I'll yell. Tomorrow maybe I'll give in and feel defeated.

But today I chose happiness. Maybe I did a whole "fake it till you make it" thing--but it worked. ❤️